Aftercare: Your Secret Weapon - July Newsletter
Hello Beautiful Beings,
Earlier this week I was back in my former stomping grounds of Phoenix, Arizona. I had the honor of serving as Arizona Leather Sir 2010, a title built (along with the Boy title) to serve as a place to inspire others to identity, play, and delight. Running for the title was far from play and delight though, even if both were present.
I was contacted the week of the competition by the producer, saying that he'd heard I considered running but that he never had an application cross his desk. Over the phone I declared that I couldn't run because if you won you had to compete for SW Leather Sir, and if I won that, I'd have to compete for International - and I was working both of those weekends. He paused and asked if, should those contractual requirements be struck from the contract, if I would, because it turns out that though they had multiple Boy competitors, there were no Sir competitors.
It's actually scary in many ways to run opposite no one. You can still lose. A minimum number of points have to be achieved, and I've seen a number of events over the years where no one won, even in multi-competitor events across various title systems. I also had less than a week to prepare for something than many spend months or more getting ready for, plus I wasn't deeply ingrained in the M4M (men for men) Leather and kink communities, and was more part of the pansexual and queer worlds. I would have to be on stage in nothing but a jock strap and boots for the pop question round, and during the competition I had to contend with bi-phobia and anti-trans questions from one of the judges that required smiling and simply saying "why would that be an issue" while looking them in the eye so that they would have to say biphobic or transphobic statement/rhetoric to my face rather than only inferring our invalidity in the men's community.
Prepping for the event, I considered the concept of aftercare a lot.
Aftercare is the tools and techniques used to return to homeostasis or balance after an intense experience takes place. Systems for aftercare vary dramatically, from physical aftercare (hydration, protein, simple sugars, massage, sleep) to emotional aftercare (crying, lauhing, venting out frustration), mental aftercare (journaling, therapy appointments, processing with someone) to spiritual aftercare (meditation, prayer, grief ritual), and more. Some can happen directly after while some needs bubble up over days, weeks, months, or years after the fact.
So I prepped my aftercare tools along with my jock strap and button down leather shirt. Electrolytes, protein bars, sound isolation ear plugs. Pre-planned calls with friends who weren't coming who would support me whether I lost or won. A few folks in the audience who I knew I could get a hug from or cry if needed. Time set aside to sleep later that weekend.
I also set my body up for success in advance. Hydration. Sleep (okay, at least I tried). Talking with friends. Prepping myself for both success and not winning. I did care of myself during the show too - not drinking, trying to have human touch stones, and also breathing deep when I did have to go on stage in that jock strap.
Leaving stage after that portion a man stopped me as I tried to get to the green room, asking if he could inquire about my body mods. My brain spun, I had no interest in fielding gender topics while I was trying to simply get into my next outfit. However, I swallowed and said sure.
He asked where I had my calf tattoos done.
It reminded me too that part of aftercare is remembering that more than this moment, this monster, this fear, or that high-riding delight exist. I was so pulled into the angst of the one judge and the tension of the event, that I had forgotten that sometimes people just want to compare ink. They were done by Capt. Gordon at Time Bomb Tattoos in Maryland.
So in the midst of the political work you are doing, remember on occasion to stop and do some care. A piece of aftercare at the end of the day can do a world of good (and if you want to find out which routes to aftercare might serve you I'm doing a 2-hour dive into aftercare this week with Karada House). Your systems will be unique, but if nothing else I can not recommend something enough - "Water Keeps Us Wet."
Much love,
Lee
Lee's Resources
Please enjoy additional resources for self-care, aftercare, and integration
Build your aftercare toolkit with the folks at Fetish Elites
Practice processing your emotions with these 9 Powerful Tools over on Medium.com
Dance with Victor Warring
Get self-care resources from the Self-Love Rainbow
I am my best work - a series of road maps, reports, recipes, doodles, and prayers from the front lines.
- Audre Lorde
What you're missing over on Patreon
In the past few weeks, I have had a chance to connect with my Patrons regularly through:
Lee Past Interview: BrainWorld Magazine (interview)
Pick-up Rites Recording LIVE (class recording)
Tarot Spread Collection: More Pride Spreads! (tarot spreads)
Listening to my Exhaustion (resources and essay)
Bondage History 1700-1990... with some levity (essay and slide deck)
Podcast Appearances
The Growl
"I want to be the reason you remember you have a body... a cathedral of skin and bone, waiting for the bells to ring." - Lee Harrington
In this episode, we explore:
The Erotic Identity: Reconciling the "inner growl" and owning your truth in a world of norms.
Trauma & Transcendence: A raw, powerful discussion on the grace required to turn suffering into a vessel for healing and divinity.
Sacred Kink as Ritual: Why the dungeon is a temple and how to maintain the "magic" in an increasingly digital world.
The Architecture of Gender: Navigating the "map" of transition and advocacy in today’s climate.
The Language of Rope: Is it a pre-planned aesthetic or a non-verbal conversation? Lee shares his "why" after decades of mastering the "how."
Whether you are a "wide-eyed" beginner or a seasoned rigger, this conversation is an invitation to witness the raw, honest architecture of desire.
Erotic Awakening
This week on the Erotic Awakening Podcast, episode 758, Dawn interviews long-time podcast and sacred sexuality voice, Lee Harrington on Shadow Work in kink……
……plus, shares her excitement about being at Primals Arts Festival for the weekend!
"Choosing which social media groups and individuals you follow online is a form of curating your own digital home... You get to choose to not follow people, even family and close friends, who disrespect you and spread hateful language. Doing so can be an act of self-love."
-Lee Harrington
Upcoming Appearances
I have a number of exciting upcoming classes and events! 
Body Modifications: Sacred and Profane
July 1st |
6-8p PDT, 9-11p EST, 3-5 MST
Wicked Grounds
Online Worldwide
Across cultures and communities, body modification has long been a way to express our identities, our affiliations, our milestones, our politics, and our spiritual connections. From the haircuts we choose to blend in or stand out to the makeup we wear with intention, we all modify ourselves in order to move through the world. In this class, we’ll explore a wide spectrum of body modification practices - from henna and ritual jewelry to tattoos, genital reconstruction, hook suspension, stage wardrobe, body piercing, and beyond. We’ll also dive into the energies these practices carry, the social meanings they evoke, and the important conversations around cultural appropriation. Together, we’ll look at why every alteration to our flesh can be sacred or profane depending on context, intention, and the stories we breathe into our transformations.
Aftercare Tools: Exploring Our Routes Of Safety
July 2nd |
11a-1p MST; 10a-12p PST; 1-3p EST
Karada House
Online Worldwide
Aftercare isn’t just a nice idea; it’s a vital part of returning to homeostasis after intense scenes and powerful experiences. In this deep-dive we’ll explore the questions that help us shape aftercare practices that honor everyone involved: Who needs it, what agreements are in place, and when does care begin and end? We’ll also look at how consent, communication, and power dynamics can shape what aftercare looks like from scene to scene and person to person. How do we name our needs with honesty and compassion, especially when our capacity doesn’t match our partner’s? We’ll also widen the lens to include the often-overlooked realms of pre-care and during-care. Through discussion and embodied exercises inspired by Jake Ernst’s “Routes of Safety,” you’ll explore tools for shared, self, and group aftercare. Together we’ll “experience-storm” pathways for grounding, reconnection, and gentle reintegration so that soft landings become as intentional as our scenes.
Strategies For Switching
July 15th
6-8p PDT; 7-9p MST; 9-11p EST
Wicked Grounds
Online Worldwide
The word Switch carries a lot of weight in a BDSM world that often insists we choose a single side - Top or Bottom, Master or Slave - even though many of us feel called to move fluidly or inhabit multiple facets of ourselves. In this class, we’ll explore the many reasons people switch: Tops curious about surrender, Slaves serving masochistic Masters, versatile players who crave a full spectrum of experience, and everything in between. We’ll discuss strategies for finding compatible play partners and relationship structures, whether that’s one partner with many roles, partners switching inside monogamous relationships, plus polyamory, swinging, open relationships, or even self-play. Together, we’ll practice ways to check in with our own needs so we can honor them with clarity and integrity. Let’s examine what switching means, what we’re ready to embrace, and what old assumptions we might finally set down or transform.
Additional upcoming classes and events include:
July 4, 2026 – Supporting and offering experiences at the “Melt Conscious Kink Play Party” – Melt Collective – Denver, Colorado
August 1, 2026 – Teaching “Negotiating Well With Others… and Yourself” – Denver TNG – Denver, Colorado (and Online Worldwide)
August 4-9, 2026 – Teaching “Arcane D/s,” “Honoring Our Ancestors of Love,” “Choosing & Connecting with Divination Decks,” “Queerness of Magic,” and leading a Ritual Hike – Free Spirit Gathering – N. Maryland
August 13-17, 2026 – Teaching “Sexy Safer Sex,” “Elemental Bondage,” “Sacred Kink,” “The Magic of Queerness and Queerness of Magic,” and assisting with rituals – Queer Spirit Festival – Devon, England
August 29, 2026 – Teaching “Trans Awareness & Playing With Trans* Folks” – Wicked Grounds – Online Worldwide
To check out all my further scheduled classes and intensives throughout the year (and more being added regularly), visit my Upcoming Appearances page to learn more. I also have upcoming events in Denver, Maryland, England, and on an array of online platforms and conferences. To enjoy further free material from me, consider joining me on Patreon where I share weekly resources, monthly classes, and more :)
Much love to you all and see you soon!
Yours in Passion and Soul,
Lee Harrington
http://www.PassionAndSoul.com
