PS032 - Rope Community Hub and Beyond

May 20

Written By

Episode: https://shows.acast.com/660e243b2f834f0017de9181/episodes/660e2440acbcaf00174d9940

With Shibaricon the week this podcast goes/went live, Lee takes some time to reflect how far the event has gone since its debut in 2004. 10 events later, it has become the hub of a rope bondage community that did not exist before its inception, speaking volumes about how if just one person has a dream, and takes actions towards it, it can change so many lives. From memories and funny stories to connection and play, Lee dances with rope on his lips and lays out a few bits to chew on along the way.After this podcast went live, Lee had some fantastic conversations with folks about details of ShibariCon that he was not part of, or confused between years of fantastic adventuring.

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Dan:
After this podcast went live, Lee had some fantastic conversations with folks about details of Shibaricon that he was not part of, or confused between years of fantastic adventuring. For full details, please see the podcast notes at www.eroticawakening.com/file/ea254.php, and happy listening.
[silly robot voice] Erotic Awakening is sponsored in part by Smitten Kitten. Smitten Kitten is your online resource and personal guide to all things sex related. They offer over 3,000 unique products and have served the sex positive community for over 10 years. Go to smittenkittenonline.com and check them out.
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Announcer:
Welcome to Erotic Awakening, an exploration of all things erotic. Every Thursday, your hosts Dan and dawn share with you their experience and insights on kink, power exchange, and erotic life, as well as bring you interviews with exciting people from various lifestyles. Then every Monday, you'll hear from our various guest hosts. These nationally-known educators bring a variety of experience to the mics and share with you an ever-increasing diverse world of alternative life.
Erotic Awakening is intended for mature audiences. If you are offended by adult topics or prohibited by law, we recommend you stop listening right now.
Lee:
Hello, fellow adventurers of sexuality and spirit, and welcome to Erotic Awakening with Lee Harrington. I've been doing this monthly show, appearing pretty much on the third Monday of every single month, for a couple of years now. And it's been such a delight to be part of this project. If you want to go back and listen to any of those podcasts, feel free to do so by going over to PassionAndSoul.com, as well as you can find my books, and all of that kind of stuff.
This month, though, I want to talk about Shibaricon. Having been on this podcast for a couple of years, you might know that I'm into rope. Rope is a thing that I enjoy, have enjoyed, for many, many years. I was that kid, you know, wrapping myself up in layers of clothing and layers of blankets when I was young, mummifying myself before I had that term. I was the precocious teen who liked tying other people up and getting a little bit naughty. I even wrote a book about it, called Shibari You Can Use, and I'm working on a sequel to it right now.
But I love Shibaricon not just because I like bondage, both as the person who gets tied up and the person who ties up others, but because Shibaricon has memory for me. Now, Shibaricon has been happening since 2004, which I think makes this the tenth one? Yeah, I guess this makes it the tenth Shibaricon, which is pretty darn awesome. But the first one started in 2004, and in a rundown, weird little hotel called The Purple Hotel that was… dubious? We'll call it dubious at the best, [laughs] where a lot of the attendees got mistaken for hookers and all of that kind of stuff.
But Shibaricon didn't start there. Shibaricon started, to my recollection at least, at Black Rose 2003, where Mortis, aka Rigger Mortis, Bill Andrew, Dov, and myself, and there might have been one or two other people involved, ended up hoarding the one suspension frame at the event. Because that's it!
A lot of people nowadays, ten years later, go to dungeon spaces and there's - even in the smallest play spaces - a suspension point. And a lot of them have a lot more places that people can do suspension bondage, or hook stuff, or be able to have wrist cuffs that people can pull on hard enough to go up in the air and have it not be an issue. Not worry about, “will my partner fall? Will this frame collapse?” Et cetera.
But the four of us, plus other folks, were gathered around the one suspension frame because it was the one place we could do all of our crazy ties and all of the stuff we were really into, and have a good time. And other people were coming in with their one pair of casual wrist cuffs, trying to attach people to it and flog them.
And we were like, “no, no, please, no, that's - that's our baby, that's our space, that's the place that we can do.” And so I think it was Mortis said, “Wouldn't it be wild? Wouldn't it be amazing if we could have a play party or a conference or a convention where… where there were like six suspension points all at once? Wouldn't that be wild? Wouldn't that be amazing?” And we were all like, “Yeah, that would be really cool.” And so ideas got batted around, around, you know, doing it in New Orleans, doing it in DC, doing it in New York. And Mortis decided to stop waiting, and decided to do it in Chicago, which is where he was based at the time.
And the event was bumpy. There were debates around, you know, quiet rooms, loud rooms, who was disrespecting what spaces, what do we cover? And then, of course, all of the personalities that come together from any specific interest group, because personalities happen. It's just part of life, you know, it's just part of being.
But what matters is - is that it happened. People dreamed up a vision, an idea, to follow their sexually authentic bliss, and it happened. None of this, you know, “Oh, well, that'd be kind of interesting. If somebody else makes it happen, I'd love to go.” And there was a fair amount of that batted around. But no, that it happened, that a dream was born, and that it took place. And to me, that's huge.
And the first year, I think there were like 75 people, I want to say? It was smallish. I mean, good size for a first year event with a special interest group. But now, it's some 800 people at a huge hotel space in Chicago, that takes over the entire lower floor of the Hyatt Regency Hotel. I mean, this is not a little endeavor. This is a big deal. And - it's wild to me. Seeing dream turn into actualization, turn into manifestation, turn into the creation of a community.
A decade ago, there were bondage practitioners, and there were people who were excited and got together, but the idea of a rope community? That wasn't even a concept. That wasn't a thing. It's just - it’s come to pass. It's been a decade of evolution and revolution, and I was talking to somebody not too long ago about how there's been evolutions in kink. Around what is popular, and what is made into an icon of sexual deviance and interest. And it's still called “whips and chains,” but when's the last time when you walked into a dungeon, you saw people doing a scene that involved whips and chains? It's just not really that common anymore. It was the cult iconography and fetish fascination of the ‘70s and ‘80s. It's what people were really into when that media burst went out. “Oh, those people are into whips and chains.” That's what was edgy, that's what was deviant.
And then, I remember when I first got involved in the ‘90s and whatnot, that the thing that people really excelled with, and were really pushing for was Florentine flogging. Having both those floggers moving at the same time. And there was a lot of stuff around cutting and permanent body piercing, in the Northwest. And there was some stuff on single tailing, a lot of mummification. I mean, there are certain things that just became popular in different areas.
But nowadays, if you hop on a social media website that's for alternative sexual practice, like FetLife.com, what you end up with is images of skinny white girls who are being suspended in rope work. And that's - that’s the thing. And yet, we're still calling it “whips and chains” instead of calling it - you know, pretty rope bondage, and temporary play piercing - being the things right now, at least what we see in social media bursts around alternative sexual iconography.
But in the last ten years of attending Shibaricon, I did the math recently, and I will have done eight of the ten. Now, in 2007, I was in Australia for my first tour down there, I think that's a pretty good excuse. You know what I mean? I think that's a pretty good reason to not have made it. But in 2011, I was in the midst of moving, there was a whole bunch of other stuff happening in my life. So is it the same excuse? No.
But the cool thing is that having done eight of the ten, or at this point, seven of the ten - or seven of the nine since the tenth is happening this year - anyway, that's all semantics. It's been really cool to look back on it and see the growth, see the faces that I've gotten to know over the years, specifically because this community has come to exist, with Shibaricon at its hub, right?
Nowadays, you can go to rope munches, and rope bites, and rope practice circles and, you know, like the… Morpheous's Bondage Extravaganza with a hundred performers in Toronto, and whatever it might be. These things just didn't exist ten years ago, and Shibaricon helped make that happen! Inspired people to take these things and make it their own.
But by the end of this event, I will have done 32 classes. I'm at 28 right now, just at this event, that I've over the years done performances and mixers, hosted office hours, did book signings, arranged for one-on-one things for people to learn. I played, I did spur-of-the-moment classes as both a teacher and a learner in hallways. Like, it's been a lot! And I've got very specific memories there.
That I can - just like Ramblewood in Maryland - which I've also been doing for a decade come this June, I've got very specific memories anchored in with the places, and the times, and the labels, and the stories. They're all interwoven.
It's going to be really hard for me this year, I think, going to Shibaricon and not having Ayem Willing being part of it. Ayem, aka Brian… you know, we met at Shibaricon, and he became my stalker. And I've talked about him, I think, in another podcast. But yeah, he and I have done shows at Shibaricon, and he and I used to go to IML on a regular basis. It's one of my personal rules, nowadays, is when I teach at Shibaricon, or attend in general, that I take one day off and go to International Mr. Leather. To view, and to watch, and to see all of the hot gay boys, and to go to one of the largest vendor spaces in the world - when it comes to alternative sexuality. This thing is massive, and inspiring, and sexy. So sexy.
And I remember one time where he and I went, and I was being measured for a corset from Marvelous Mayhem. And I didn't think anything of it, but while I was getting measured, he, you know, was looking around at other stuff, and whatnot. And I came out ten minutes later, having been measured, and he and I went off to go wander around the vendor fair some more. But while I was there, I'd commented that this one kimono was really beautiful, the see-through pink kimono, and I decided to get the see-through pink kimono, and I wish I'd had the money to get this corset that went with it, that's covered in women in kimonos, and the same color of pink.
And a few years later, he and I were at the Austin Rope Symposium - not a few years, excuse me, a few months later. We were at the Austin Rope Symposium, and we were heading off to some event off-site, and he pulled out this bundle that was beautiful tissue paper wrapped with a piece of rope that had been from a limited edition series that Twisted Monk had done. And I'm like, “Oh, wow, this is super cool, what is it?” And he said, “Open it up.” And it was the corset that I had loved, custom made to my measurements. Because that's the kind of stuff that Brian did when we were - whatever the hell we were.
And it's going to be really weird being at Shibaricon without him. [voice shaking] The number of times he was my demo model, or the person that I curled up with for the weekend, or the person that I did stage performances with, including the ridiculous thing involving the giant cross and the pink outfit, and whatever the hell that was. Like, we've just got a lot of memories there.
And certain people that I see day in, year out, at that event, and how it's really weird when they're not there. Or…when they're no longer with us. And I don't know…I don’t know what transforms us, other than time and memory. And… iconic embedding into our flesh and skin, our marrow, and our heart, and our essence, and our being, and they become part of us.
The fact that Twisted Monk doesn't host the Bondage Rodeo anymore… is this little pang of sorrow. Even if it wasn't a big thing to me at the time, it was just something that happened, you know? But do I have hilarious memories of everybody in their, you know, “whose toy bag is it anyway” game, getting a rubber chicken? Absolutely.
Does my heart delight when I think of this one couple who every single - who the very first time they came to Shibaricon, it was their first kink event. But they'd come from a kayaking trip. And during the “whose toy bag is it anyway” thing, during the Bondage Rodeo, whatever it was called at the time, one of the things was, you were allowed to bring one item from your toy bag up on stage. But they didn't really have a toy bag. But they'd come straight from a kayaking thing. So they brought a kayaking paddle on stage as the thing that was from their toy bag.
These memories that are profound and beautiful, that people talk all the time about the boola-boola tie. It's a type of wrist cuff that I include as a one-column tie in my book. The people talk about this as terminology, as like a thing that was done. No, that was a thing that Mortis and Bill made up, and didn't really have a term for it, so they made something up. Because the stories that we have of ancient lineages going back into time immemorial, that there is an Old Guard as things have always been, yeah, “old guard” that go back to the ‘80s. The “ancient rites of handing down rings” that go back to 1997? ‘96, whatever it is, right?
These are stories. But they're our story, and our truth, and our myth, and our beauty, because we've lived and grown together, and created a tribe of the heart. We have made a rope bondage community that didn't exist before, because of a dream made manifest.
This year at Shibaricon, I'm going to do a couple of different classes. And if you're listening to this podcast on the Monday or Tuesday that it comes out, you can still register, and you can ask on Wednesday, but it starts on Thursday night. So I sincerely apologize if you're getting this podcast two weeks later and going, “oh my god, why couldn't I go?” And my answer is: show up in 2014. Or go to your own regional thing, or buy a book, or hop on an online group and learn and connect, or start your own local bondage practice group. Right? It doesn't have to be all about one event.
But this year, I am doing - they asked me to design all new classes, and because it's Shibaricon, I said yes. I don't normally say yes to that sort of thing, like, the idea of designing four completely new things to debut at one event is incredibly intense.
One of them I got to test run two weeks ago at Beltane, luckily, and I'm really glad I did, because I think I'll be able to deliver something more excellent at Shibaricon. But the class I ended up debuting was called “Rope Connections and Bondage Magic,” which was magical. Having that group of people, it wasn't a talking head class. I think I talked for maybe a quarter of the class, and then did some sort of improvisational spoken art thing at the end that I don't really have a memory of, but apparently was pretty darn cool. But that's kind of how my being-ness exists sometimes, when I just channel universal things that needed to be said, and they weren't things that needed to be said to me, they were things that needed to be said to the people in the room.
And so that's hands-on. It's experiential, and it's not about “what do you know how to tie,” it's about being present. Being present with your intention and connection, and weaving a spell between you and your partner, or yourself if you do self bondage. Or you and your partners if you're in some sort of multi-part relationship thingy-ma-bobber. And I'm really excited about that class.
I'm also doing a class that's a lot more storytelling, combined with the idea of intention, called “Element Bondage,” where I'm going to be talking about altered states of consciousness and how we transform our rope work into…using it as a way to alter our consciousness, as well as how the rope itself alters our consciousness. Which, again, I'm excited about debuting.
I'm doing one on navigating the rope and kink communities, which is based off the work I did on Playing Well with Others, but really is tailored for the bondage communities, because it's a little different ‘round these parts. That in the rope communities, there are practice sessions, and that that's a thing. That you don't show up necessarily to cruise and mingle - though that's a part of it - that it's about getting down and sharing and exploring and being like, “hey, I learned this tie, and what are your thoughts about it, and how would you improve upon it? And I know you're brand new, but let's play with it.” And that it's about this collaborative process that is really awesome.
And that you also have factions in the rope community that don't necessarily exist in the same way as other parts of the kink community. So, for example, people who are like, “oh, well, I am a student of so-and-so sensei, and I have studied to these places, and here is the exact formal way to do a 72-part takate kote with the way that it is properly done,” with the side faction in a different direction that says, “no, really, as long as you get something on, it's all good, and let's play around with it, and let's have a good time,” and then the places that meet somewhere in the middle - but that there are going to be some big personality challenges between those groups, and we're going to be talking about a lot of that stuff.
But the fourth piece that I'm really fascinated to see how it goes, is that Shibaricon is debuting a new thing called Master Classes. Now, the Master Classes aren't just for expert rope experts. What it is, is that the topic is listed, and that people who want to show a thing, or try a mini scene in front of a group of people, or whatever it might be, do their thing - and then they get feedback from the master of that topic or a master who has done a lot with that topic. And the fact that I've been invited to be a master of a topic kind of blows me away, like, I'm really honored - I’m…slash-confused, depending on which day I look at it, and I'm going to be leading Master Class Asymmetry.
So it's about showing up with your asymmetrical tie, or your concept, or your question, and looking at asymmetry and seeing what we can come up with and having you show your piece and having me give you honest, you know, critique, and feedback. And if there's other people in the room who have ideas, really getting a lot of people to look into this thing that we're doing. And in doing so, having people who are attending the group get ideas through the viewing and the being, instead of a specific, “I teach you stuff, you copy” kind of model.
And I'm also going to be leading a heart circle, which is about having a chance to share from your heart, and be present. And I'm really honored, again, to be able to do this for the second year in a row. It was really beautiful last time, and I'm glad I was able to bring that to Shibaricon. It would totally rock to me if I saw more events have something like a heart circle, like some sort of emotional debrief, like some sort of piece where we can check in with ourselves, because at a lot of conferences, there's a “bigness” that can happen. And this isn't just about first year people who have never been to something, it's about being present in an immersive experience, and having somewhere to just say, “you know what, this one thing happened with my partner, and it pissed me off, and I don't know how to deal with it.”
Or being able to say, “I'm...I'm really sitting with this thing that has me looking at myself.” Or just have permission to cry in a group of people, without it having to be troubleshooting. To just be “we see you.” Which isn't even the word “just,” because it's a profound gift to someone else to say, “I see you. You are honored and you are amazing. Thank you for being all that you are.”
So that's what I'm looking forward to. And for those of you I'll see at the event, I'm giving you a special prize! Oooh yeah! So for people who are part of the podcast, and if you see me at Shibaricon, or if you listen to the podcast and a friend of yours is going to Shibaricon, feel free to pass this on. But I'm going to be giving half-price to any single book that you would like. So I'm giving, you know, I would like to pass that on to my podcast viewers - or listeners, I guess it is, instead of viewers. But if you're at Shibaricon, I'd like to offer that up because it's a really big deal to me that we create interpersonal connection.
And if you're listening to my podcast, I want this to be an excuse for us to come up and have a conversation, and have you talk about what you get out of podcasts and say how it feels for me to be sitting alone, staring at my computer and talking, and looking at my notes, and not entirely sure if I'm just sounding like some sort of nerd, you know? ‘Cause that's how it is sometimes.
But let's connect. Let's say hello. Because we are part of a community, we are part of a thing. And does that mean that I want to talk to every single person that I know from Shibaricon every single day? No, and it's not just about the time thing. Sometimes what makes people that I know from events special is that I see them at that event, and that we are the people that we smile at each other, and nod, and have a shared experience.
It's the same reason I love voyeurs, sometimes, because they become the cultural memory. They say, “I was there and I saw.” It becomes that thing that says, “I am not alone. I didn't make that thing up, they were there.”
And I am blessed that I have gotten to come this year, do ten years of Shibaricon, do eight events in ten years at Shibaricon, and that this is a thing to celebrate. This is beautiful. This is amazing. And I breathe deep. [breathes] Let it out… that I have been along for this ride, that I have been in the scene long enough, and was already thriving in my kink exploration, to see this grow and blossom, and form something amazing.
And that is my hope for every single one of you listening, that you go out and form something amazing. Whether it's creating a munch or a play party, whether it is making a coven, or finding a group of people who will have a book club with you, whether it's a time to practice, whether you will form an online group, whether you will go out and say, “I want to get a degree in interpersonal communication specializing in alternative subcultures.”
Dream it. Do it.
And it's not just about kink. Right now, I'm in the middle of re-looking at what I want to dream, and what I want to do. Because when we dream it, and really look at it, there's a capacity to do. Intention plus attention plus aligned action equals magic. And we get to weave the spells of our own life by spelling it out.
So go out and spell it out. Spell it out and make it happen.
And if you're going to be at Shibaricon, fantastic. I will see you there. Friday is RopenSpace, and for the first time, I get to attend my own unconference kind of thing, where I will actually have a couple of questions myself! So I'm going to be bringing a couple of things to the table that I want to learn, because you know what I also remembered recently, that I deserve learning what I want to learn, not just attending whatever is available in a time slot that I'm not teaching at. That's pretty awesome to remember.
So I'm going to show up, and I'm going to do that, and I'm going to go on Monday to the IML Vendor Fair, and yes, the competition will have already happened, but there's still going to be hot boys, there's still going to be amazing shopping, so I'll see some of you at International Mr. Leather, I'll see some of you at Shibaricon, and I've got a lot of events coming up, and I hope to see folks down the road.
So where am I going to be at?
I am going to be at a lot of different places this year, and that includes not just Shibaricon, but the days after, I will be in Milwaukee, Wisconsin on May 28th and 29th, teaching rope bondage for “Genderqueer Rope Bondage,” as well as a class called “Making An Impact” on paddling, caning and spanking.
I'll be up in Alaska in June for Northern Exposure, where I will be filling in for Madame Butterfly, who is still slowly recovering from the stroke that she had. Filling in for her class on working with - for her, it was going to be suspending larger bodies, but I'm going to be looking at suspension for working with a variety of body types outside what is considered the norm.
At Dark Odyssey Fusion, I'm going to be leading two rituals, teaching a couple of classes, MC’ing the Dirty Pig Contest. Oh my god, I'm so excited about Fusion. It's my baby! It is what it is.
I'm going to be going to SummerBash 12 up in Albany, New York in July, uh…July 12th through 14th, and teaching Pain Processing and Rituals for Dominance and Submission.
I've got one space left, as of the time of this podcast being recorded, for my Passion Bound II suspension intensive in Providence, Rhode Island on July 20th. If you want to learn suspension, and all you know is how to tie your shoes, if that, you're good. It's a six-hour from-the-ground-on-up intensive. So feel free to come out for that in Providence, Rhode Island.
The next day, I'm going to be doing classes on rope and switching for MOB, which is a women's only group, and for NELA Welcome Wagon.
In Arizona, I'm going to be doing classes for Fascinations, as well as Arizona Power Exchange, and I’m doing a one day intensive… thing. We're developing it right now, out in August - Fascinations, that's all in August.
Dark Odyssey Summer Camp in September. Triangle - and that's in Maryland - Triangle Munch Group in Raleigh, North Carolina. Raleigh, I am getting my ass back to North Carolina. I am so excited.
In October, also in October, I'm going to be at Ropegasm in Edmonton, Alberta. OctRoperFest in Austin. I am totally packed for October, which is a little crazy, but good.
And then in November, the Geeky Kink Event in my own backyard, I am finally getting out to. Where I will be hosting along with a number of other classes and experiences, but I'm going to be doing Cupcakes with Sex Geeks. Are we using sex nerds? Anyway, Cupcakes and Sex Nerds, where I'm going to be encouraging people to bring out their sexology research that they've looked at, their studies that they've found, their nerdy knowledge, all of that kind of stuff, and coming out and having cupcakes with me. Oh my god, so excited!
And then Dark Odyssey Surrender in San Francisco.
So please come out and see me. It's going to be a really beautiful year. And I just said that out loud. It's going to be a really beautiful year. As somebody who struggles with some of those beliefs sometimes, it's pretty awesome to say. For all the roller coasters we each live in our lives, sometimes it's good to just look at the winds of what's coming up, and what we're excited about, of where we've gone.
And even if today, all you can do is write down and say, “I saw a really pretty looking cloud,” or “the water I drank had the right number of ice cubes in it.” Whatever it is, I bet you, you have a win for today. My win for today is that I got to find a random book on the street while walking my dog. I picked it up, and it was a totally awesome piece about that I - it was a short book, I read it, about advertising techniques and theory, that shook up my brain around what I want my website to look like, which gets that idea that I've had for the last couple years rolling again, and that's pretty awesome. And I'll post the name of that book, because I'm totally not remembering it right now, in the podcast notes.
So with all of that, thank you so much for joining me. It's been fantastic. And if you have any questions around sexuality, spirituality, kink, gender, and any of this stuff, feel free to drop me an email, lee@passionandsoul.com with the subject line “Ask Lee,” and I'll try to get my questions into a future podcast, if at all possible.
And as I said before, if you want to listen to any of my other podcasts, ones from other shows that I've been on, read my writings, get a list of all of my different books that I have, because wow… I did a thing on Pinterest recently - yes, I'm on Pinterest, I got sucked in - where I listed all of the books that I've either had work in or books that I've authored myself. Twenty-one, wow, when did that happen? And in general, find out about the stuff I'm doing.
Go over to PassionAndSoul.com and you can look up PassionAndSoul. All is one word on FetLife, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Pinterest, any of that stuff. Or look up Lee Harrington. You'll find my stuff, again, a lot of places.
So thank you, fellow adventurers of sexuality and spirit, for joining me. This has been Erotic Awakening with Lee Harrington, and until next time, stay cool, have fun, be authentically you, and have a fantastic journey.
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