Pieces of Passion #13: Erotic Associations

The rules are simple. Partner one begins with a word. Any word. Partner two responds with a word in response. The trick that takes it out of the ordinary ice-breaker game of word association? Make it sensual, sexual, naughty, or downright filthy.

1: Orange
2: (sensually) Juice
1: Squirt
2: Soaking
1: Sheets
2: Tangled
1: (defiantly) Tattered
2: Stockings
1: Corset
2: Tight!

Advanced players may wish to include pantomime, touch, sound effects, and more. There is no right answer to what comes to mind, so if your partner says something you do not consider sensual, sexual or erotic, there are a few possibilities at play. Perhaps they lost track that it was supposed to be a Pieces of Passion tool. Or, perhaps they have a fetish or an internal association with something you might nt be aware of. Really- you never know what someone might be into… Dinosaurs for example might be someone’s hardcore desires!

This game adapts well for more than two players. It can be played in a few different manners.

Option 1 (multi-player, circle)
1: Firm
2: Biting
3: Vampires
4: Seduction
1: Winking

Option 2 (multi-player, rotating starburst)
1: Firm
2: Biting
3: Cock
4: Fists
1: Yum… I’ll take one of each. Ok, your turn.
2: Um, how about… Slippery?
3: Lubrication
4: Wrestling
1: Soap
3: Soap?
1: Yeah, like when you drop it in the locker room shower and…
3: Oooooo, nice!

Enjoy, and let the words flow like water…

Pieces of Passion #12 – The Object Guessing Game

What is that?
Can you figure it out?

I love games in the bedroom from time to time, and one of my favorite over the years has been the Object Guessing game.

Blindfold or put a hood on one partner.
The other partner should have selected in advance a variety of objects, tools or random items.
Now, apply the objects to the body and see if they can figure out what it is.
The game ends when all the objects have been determined ,or when the blindfolded/hooded partner gives up, or if it morphs into sex or other play.

Types of objects I have used or had used on me:
-Kitchen items (wooden spoon, chopsticks, spork)
-Clothes from their closet (favorite sweater, winter boot, silk blouse)
-Statuary from alters (when modified into a sacred sex tool)
-SM or Sex toys (which flogger is this one? Which dildo?)
-Random knickknacks from the living room (how can you apply a remote control?)
-Beauty tools (tweezers, nail file, pumice stone)

Consider mixing up how you apply the objects. Do you hit them with them? Cover them and insert them? Put them (gently) in their mouth? Run them softly along the skin? Push them against their body?

Be aware that very sharp tools like kitchen knives tend not to work well for this game- there are a lot of possibilities for an excited guesser to accidentally injure themselves. For those who are considering taking this game to the insertion level… remember to use your friend the condom, because really, without it its rarely a good idea (your DVD remote control deserves to be usable afterwards, and you don’t know where that thing has been or what it could do)- and think twice on if ever inserting that thing is a good idea (sporks, really?)

So… can you tell what it is?

I thus give you for my amusement….

Pineapple Gland Restoration

In our day to day life, we can find ourselves over-exposing our pineapple glands. Near-colada experiences and over-exposure to teriyaki can leave us drained of our vital essences, and leave us, upon arriving at con-parties, unable to provide our own mixers.

Thus, consider the wide and varied tools to help restore your pineapple gland:

- Submersion in those that rely upon pineapple juice. This includes engaging in deep Crown of Roses working, engaging your own Tahitian Pearl, or of course having Sex on the Beach.

- Take a vacation to Hawai’i, Brazil, Paraguay, or various parts of SouthEast Asia.

- Meditate on the knowledge that the fruit of a pineapple are arranged in two interlocking helices, eight in one direction, thirteen in the other; each being a Fibonacci number.

- As a human made of meat, your pineapple gland provides a tenderizer for your spirit. Engage in your open, black heart of tenderizedness.

- Go on the Dole.

- Fresh pineapple is difficult to ship, and so it is for your pineapple gland. Stay at home, stay warm, and keep from getting a chill.

- Make a tart of yourself.

- Find ways to be raw.

By restoring our pineapple glands, we can come to be truly balanced, and C ourselves for our full potential.

I find myself this weekend at Free Spirit Alliance’s Sacred Sexuality Beltane. Already I have debuted my newest class: “Desired Object, Forgotten Object: Objectification for Animists” that went really well, went to a lovely opening ritual, and went for a long hike through the woods to find an abandoned cabin overlooking the river where ravens were roosting before playing in the woods with my hiking companion… so, in honor of Beltane…

Pieces of Passion
Piece #11- Crazy Little Thing Called… Fucking Outside

Cause it’s the first of May, first of May
Outdoor fucking starts today
So bring your favorite lady
Or at least your favorite lay
The water’s not cold baby dip in your big toe
Maybe I’ll see you in flagrante delicto
Grass below you, sky above
Celebrate spring with a crazy little thing called fucking outside
-from “First of May” by Jonathan Coulton

That’s right, its May Day, Beltane, which means the time honored tradition of outdoor sex. Outdoor sex is both incredibly easy and ridiculously frustrating if a few things are not considered in advance.

What? You mean it’s not all spontaneous? Oh, it can be, but like the boyscout motto says- “Be Prepared.”

You will need:
-Something to put down on the ground/against the tree/on the rock, etc. (if you choose not to, be prepared for grass burn, allergy reactions, bug bites, bugs on you, random animal poop, or other such things)
-Protection against STDs. (just because it’s outside doesn’t mean you don’t need a condom, gloves, dams, etc- and take it back home with you- they don’t bio degrade so well)
-Lube or other sex toys (I keep a sample-sized lube in my jacket pocket along with 2 condoms, just in case- and a bandanna can become an easy blindfold, a belt can be fast bondage)
-A sense of humor (stuff will go in an unplanned manner. Be willing to roll with the punches, laugh off a stick poking you in the back or a squirrel watching you quizzically)

Now all you need is a place for outdoor sex! Backyards with high fences are an easy option (your own preferably), while spots in the middle of nowhere are a good bet too. Giant parks, no matter how giant they are, run the risk of people coming along- which can add to the thrill, and the legal risk- weigh them out as consenting adults.

Points of note:
-Sand in your clothes or on your skin has an uncanny ability to get into condoms, be careful! Wash off lest the grain break down the latex or cause abrasion in other ways.
-Rain and sex is nice if its warm, hilarious if it’s muddy, but can lead to illnesses etc if it turns cold fast.
-On really hot days sex might be just the thing- but beware of dehydration and sun stroke- other forms of stroking is much more fun!

Have a merry Beltane!

Pieces of Passion
Piece #10: Masturbation for Passion

When was the last time you masturbated with your partner?
Masturbated side by side?
One watching or telling dirty stories whole the other masturbates?
Talked about your favorite sorts of masturbation?

Watching your partner masturbate and actually paying attention is a fascinating way to learn the erotic geography of their flesh. Are they a lay-on-their-back type or a humper? A vibrational fan or a silent tension type? Do they prefer slow strokes or fast hard pressure? Lube and toys or au natural? Making love to themselves mood light and all, or wam bam thank you mam?

Many people are shy about masturbating in front of their partner for a variety of reasons:
-Fear of being criticized
-Thinking their style is weird or wrong
-Wondering if their partner will change how they play with them
-Someone told them once masturbation is wrong/dirty/horrid
-Beings elf conscious about how they look when they cum
-Shyness
-… and more

If your partner seems unsure, try making the idea as inviting to them as possible. If you have a power exchange dynamic, couch it in terms of an order. If they are shy, offer to do it side by side with neither of you “staring” the first time. If they fear criticism/being weird, make sure you set a precedent beforehand of being an active listener/watcher without needing to comment on everything you witness, and respect their need for support.

No two people masturbate the exact same way. Learn your partner, and surprise, learn you too! Maybe in seeing them play with themselves you’ll get ideas on how to improve your own masturbation, your partnered sex, and more!

Live, Laugh, Love… yours in Passion and Soul,
Lee Harrington

http://www.PassionAndSoul.com

Pieces of Passion
Piece #9 – Catch a bus! A train! A street car! A ferry!

In the drive drive drive world, it’s hard to take in all of life when you are focusing energy on moving your one ton metal moving machine safely through the world (aka your car). Get out of the car, with your partner, and go for a trip somewhere.

Hop on the bus down the road and see where it goes.
Take the ferry and point out to each other each new bird you see.
Have your whole poly family take a train to New Orleans together and sing and tell stories along the way.
Ride the street car downtown instead of driving.

Going out of the house introduces us to physical sights, smells and sensations we would not have otherwise. Getting out of the car allows us to enjoy those sights, smells and sensations with more focus and awareness.

Do you end up finding a new favorite cafe?
Finally talking about that relationship point you’d been avoiding?
Share a secret you never told before?
Find out you both love dancing to street musicians?

Get out of your cars, go out on a date, and take in the world.

On a scale of zero to on a Train, its totally on a Train.

Pieces of Passion
Piece #8 Breathe Together

We stood ten feet apart, facing away from one another, as Minax had us all breathe in time as we counted. One, belly expanding, in through nose, then out through relaxed lips. Two, belly expanding, in through nose, out through relaxed lips and belly contracting. Three, belly expanding, in through nose, out through relaxed lips, and turn around to face one another.

She stood still, and ten feet apart we kept breathing together until I smirked, breathed in a bit deeper, and she did the same. Her eyes lit up to my smirk, to this breath of joy, and I beckoned her forward. She tried to resist, she had been told to, but I beckoned her forward again with an upturned hand and then slid that hand down, my breath matching hers, until her eyes were locked to my hand, crotch, visual. She wiggled across the room with glee.

Sales techniques tapes and relationship coaches all agree- breath is a powerful tool. I was reminded of this over and over tonight, as I matched my Service Slut’s breath, and then caught her eye in some way.

Try some of the following exercises with your play partner, lover, friend, or someone you want to bond with:

* Sit behind them, your chest to their back, and breathe in time watching the same movie, sports, or other visual and audio event.
* Sit side by side, shoulders touching, and when they slump, you slump, and when they sit up straight, you sit up straight.
* Sit or stand back to back, and repeat the above event.
* Listen to a breathing tape together, and follow along with the instructions in time with one another.

Setting breath with another human being is a great way to set each others mood and/or intention to be in accordance with one another. If you are fighting- stop. Watch how they are breathing. Are you in accordance with them? If you are and don’t like it- see about lowing *your* breath and see if their connection to you has their breath, and tension level, follow to a calmer level. In turn, if you want to ramp up energy- match their breath, then start breathing heavier, and slowly egg their unconscious body into listening to yours

Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat. Hold as needed. Add as needed. Spice and flavor and bliss.

Pieces of Passion
Piece #7 Ask Some Quality Questions

“It’s not that you got the wrong answer… I just didn’t get asked the right question I think.”

One of my first partners said that to me one day, and I still think about it. We ask things of ourselves and our partners all the time like “how was your day” or “are you ok,” but they don’t really *ask* anything. So I’m working still on improving this idea of asking quality questions. Some of my favorites right now include:

* What about that turns you on?
* Why do you find yourself drawn to it?
* Who has touched you the most in your life?
* Where would you go for a dream vacation if money were no object (and why?)
* What is your Zombie Apocalypse plan?
* When did you first realize you were into that?

Intellectual Foreplay, by Eve Hogan (I got mine signed by her when visiting Maui), is a great place to get some questions. Some? Ha! Thousands. There are questions for yourself too, not just for you and your partner, because the reality is we have to be good partners for ourselves and really spend some time being introspective before we can offer ourselves fully to another. If someone asks us why we’re into something, it’s really helpful to have considered it before.

Ok, she doesn’t ask about zombies. But its still a good book. Even if its very monogamy focused, vanilla assumptive (but LGBT friendly)- run with it, we can find wisdom anywhere.

Pieces of Passion
Piece #6 Have a Date with Yourself

We live in a world where we are expected to socialize with, court, and seduce our partners- connect with them, engage with them, spoil them. But how can we possibly do that id we don’t know how to do that to ourselves?

When was the last time you socialized with, courted, or seduced yourself? When did you truly conned with, engage with or spoil the amazing human being that is you?

Some of my favorite things to do on a date with myself:
-Go out to the movies
-Make or go out for fantastic foods that tickle my senses
-Go window shopping (and even buy myself something nice)
-Head to a museum
-Dance
-Dress up and look stunning for me
-Read a favorite book
-Listen to great music
-Laugh at my own jokes
-Open up a bottle of great wine
-Skip, jump, or be as silly as I long to be
-Buy tickets to the theatre
-Make love with myself (not just a fast solo-fuck)

You are complete, beautiful and whole unto yourself. Its what makes each of us a gift to be with another human. We are not an “other half,” we are a whole, ready to be as strong, beautiful, and amazing as the other life or lives that choose to be part of ours. And if we can not love ourselves, who can truly love us?

If its scary, think of it like dating someone, but the someone is you. Start by buying yourself a flower, or sending a postcard in the mail to yourself, or putting a nice statement about you on a mirror, taking a long walk with yourself, or something else you might have found nice coming from someone else. Know that you deserve that love and attention from yourself, its ok.

What date do you want with yourself? Are you ready to love you?

***

Speaking of love, I finally got my donations system up and running with Paypal after 3 years of being on a hold with them. Hooray! If you are enjoying this series, or have wanted to find a way to support a traveling artist, sex and spirituality educator, shaman… here is your chance Please remember that this is my full time living, and every dollar really does help. Thank you all so much, and I’m glad you’ve been enjoying this series as much as I have been.

Now go out and have a nice time with yourselves, and take that love and joy into the connections you have with others. Life, my darlings, is all about Passion and Soul.

Pieces of Passion
Piece #5 Pet Names and Protocols

Names hold power. What we choose as pet names for our lovers, partner, and friends reflects our inner energetic feelings and manifestations of connection towards that person. Sometimes it is about the term/name chosen itself- Slave, Dearheart, Bunny, Loverbuns, Sugar, Kitten, Hotstuff… a thousand other names each have their own meaning to the outside hearer and also within the relationship itself. But the uniqueness of a term, or its specific use and power within a relationship, matter as well. Calling someone the same pet name you called your last partner is a sure way to confuse yourself (its easy to slip into frustration with “Honey” when the last “Honey frustrated you) as well as to make people upset if/when they find out.

In BDSM/Kink, pet names have an extra layer in the form of Protocols. Pet names such as Master, Daddy, pet, property, Whore, slut, thing, Mistress, Goddess, Queen, Lord- they reinforce the dynamic established within a relationship. These can also be titles, yes, but if they become a pet name, a thing that replaces the name of a person, they take on extra power… it is not just *what* they are but *who* they are in your eyes (as received by them in a verbal form).

I was on the phone with my Service Slut/Babygirl/Partner and I said “later Baby,” when hanging up. I called back, and ranted. “Baby” is a generic name that hold no power in our relationship, and in my experience of that pet name it is also a genericized term often used by misogynists to refer to women as being not-adult and thus not deserving of respect. This does *not* apply to my parnter/Service Slut/Babygirl. Each of those terms was chosen on purpose. She is my parnter in life, adventure, and spiritual questing. She is in Service to myself and the world, and she is a Slut (its in her contract). She is my Babygirl, the mirror and beloved child to help raise to my Daddy self. I will sometimes call her darlin’, sometimes love, but both of these are true as well. She is not Baby. It is not ok for me to use it.

What’s the big deal? Using pet names inappropriately can destroy my inner vision of her, make her some generic human- and thus seem replaceable. She is not. She is unique, different. And I will not have her think that she is not a generic girlfriend or fuck buddy- I’ve had both, and they are fabulous, but it is not our truth.

Does your partner feel unique, special, cherished, in the pet names you use?
Do you feel unique, special, cherished, in the pet names they use?
Sit down with yourself and think about the generic terms of endearment you use… and do you have ranks of terms? Ones you reserve for higher levels of intimacy?
What is the truth of your relationship? Is it reflected in the language and lexicon you have built between yourselves?

Bright blessings, love, and passion